A Few Things I Want to See Happen in Sports This Year; or South Carolina is USC too

Since I am a red blooded Southern boy, I consider the beginning of the sports year to be opening day of football season. It's like Christmas in the Summer... it's Sportsmas. To kick off this grand holiday here are a few of my Sportsmas wishes:

1. Southern Cal loses their entire season... except to Noter Dame. Is there more of a team that needs to have a major NCAA violations investigation? I don't think so. Plus they're on the West Coast. I can't pull for a West Coast team.

2. No one from the NFL partakes in any criminal activity. This includes Southern Cal, since they are LA's pro team.

3. The World Series comes down to Tampa Bay and the Cubs. This will be the only time I pull for the AL... unless the Mets were representing the National League. I don't dislike the Amercan League as much as I hate the DH rule. Don't get me started on that crap.

4. Steven A. Smith vanishes into nothing. Maybe he goes to India and finds a sports guru. He learns the art of not being such a moron. He comes back and begins doing real sports analysis with people of all races and preaches love... not hate. He converts Jim Rome to Smithism and they tour the world in a soft rock band called "Quite Frankly, I'm Burning" or "Rome & Smith: The Quiet Experience".

5. Chris "Boomer... not Esiason" Berman loses his voice. He's stupid. He says nothing. He doesn't even pay attention to the game he announces. His voice is like a woodchipper mixed with a leaf blower.

6. Noter Dame loses all of their games, loses their NBC contract, and realizes they need to join the Big Eleven... I mean Ten. Seriously, how many more parents are going to have to explain why the Big Ten has Eleven teams? It's hard enough for a 3 year old to count without having to do abstract math.

7. Southern Cal loses in court. Who seriously sues an older school over use of their letters. South Carolina has been SC and USC for a longer ammount of time than Southern Cal. I see this case being a flop later in the courts. Basically, USC... the one out west, has more money and the California judge went to USC... the California one. If the trial was on the east coast, USC... the South Carolina one would have won. The logo in question was long in use by South Carolina, before Southern Cal ever existed. Plus, the name is "University of South Carolina" and the state abbreviation is SC. You can't change the initials. Next, UNC sues for the name "Carolina".

8. Strahan returns so we can get some more funny commercials. I guess a return of decent commercials in general, with or without Strahan, would be my general wish.

9. We don't have to listen to how wonderful the Summer Games were. It was in China on international TV. It was planned out. The US did poorly, except where they were dominant. It was the Olympics. On to traditional sports with contact and real injuries.

10. This picture gets put everywhere,

Politics as Usual; or The New Coke

As I am recovering from a pretty nasty bug from this weekend, I have found something else to make me sick. A new explosion of politics. I am seriously tired of the elections and they aren't even here yet. Here are the list of things that are "grinding my gears" (thanks, Family Guy).

1. Democrats pride themselves on being the free spirit hippie voice of America. They put their convention in Denver. That entire town is a model of new age, stoner, snowboarding, making millions off of taxpayers by ripping them off on organic t-shirts, ideology. However, they have set up a secret jail to hold the homeless and protesters. Wait a minute... I thought Democrats wanted to eliminate people from being poor, but not by elimintating the poor. If the Shang-ri-la of liberal ideals has homeless people... wow. It's all lip service. Also, it's funny the same people that 40 years ago were protesting now decide they want to lock up protesters. Overall, it sounds like China and the Olympics. Both China and the Democratic Party are run by Communists who feed off a capitalist economy. The difference is China doesn't hide it.

2. I read an old but interesting article that made me realize that the Obama campaign is nothing but a marketing strategy.

Basically, it shows how Obama is Nike and Hillary is a pair of simple cross-trainers.
I can take the marketing farther, and update it to the current stage of the election. Obama is to Pepsi as McCain is to Coke. Obama is running a trendy pop-culture themed campaign (I could compare him to Tab and say its an empty campaign devoid of any true fulfillment... but you think it's healthy). McCain is the relable brand that everyone knows, and doesn't have to prove itself. Obama gets Taco Bell, KFC, Pizza Hut... Michael Jackson, Jeff Gordon, Regis Philbin, John Tesh, the Spice Girls, and Brittany Spears. McCain gets the Olympic contract, FIFA and UEFA cups, NASCAR, NFL, MLB, NBA, NHL, American Idol and a billboard at Turner Field. (No wonder Obama hates the big companies). One is for teenie-boppers who hang at the food court, and the other is a well established product that can be depended on. One changes with the culture and one is pretty well settled.

3.Only politicians would parade around a person as corrupt as Ted Kennedy as if he were a god. You think I am lying? Here's the facts. The Kennedys made their name from connections with the mob, selling alcohol during prohibition. JFK and Bobby were thrown into the political arena because they had Mobster and Union votes... and their smarter older brother died in WWII. They used family strength to dodge everything while in office.
Teddy drove his pregnant girlfriend (or just a girl he knocked up) into a river (he said he was drunk, but he never did any jail time... since he was a senator). As well, he blocked a wind turbine construction, because it would block his view. Teddy, gave huge breaks to oil companies, set up off shore bank accounts to avoid taxes he approved, approved union bullying, earmarked valuable money for "money pit" public projects... need I go on? And this is a guy who said, "Integrity is the lifeblood of democracy. Deceit is a poison in its veins." Maybe politicians should read more into the guy saying the words.

Oh yeah. And they paraded out Jimmy Carter. What a waste of breatheable air that guy is.

Well, this concludes my ranting on the downfall of politics and such... for now. I cant help it. They put themselves out there as supreme beings. Someone has to bring them back down.

Top Signs of the Week the World is Ending... or Why I'm Glad I'm Not in the Media Business.

This week has revealed a new list of proof that the end of the world is approaching like Oprah at a never-ending dessert buffet. Don't get it? You probably are oblivious to the following.

1. As the Favre Turns - Brett Favre More than a man. Possibly the greatest quarterback I've seen from beginning to end (I was in early gradeschool for the Montana years). Recovered from alcoholism and painkiller addiction without ever missing a game. Has several Super Bowls under his belt. Nearly lead his team to Great Poobah last year.

Meanwhile, Green Bay has somehow decided the unproven Aaron Rogers is a better bet. Do the Packers want to go to the bowl this year? I guess not, as their choice to jerk Brett around shows. Yeah, he retired. Yeah, he changed his mind. Plenty of atheletes do that. Now, we have the NFL version of your daytime emmy winning programs. "When Brett decides he's not really tired of his job and returns to the bay, he finds Ted Thompson making a deal with Aaron Rogers. He turns down 20 million to walk away. What does the future hold as "The Favre Turns"?

Personally, the goal of an NFL team is to compete now. Not 10, 5, or even one year down the road. Aaron Rogers is gone next year due to free agency. The rest of the team would back Favre no matter what. Brett is also well proven. Cearly Thompson has no idea how modern NFL works. Of course he's running a team that would sell out the stands in a blizzard when the team hasn't won all season. Also, he's a moron.

2. Paris for Prez - This is no joke. I actually heard someone say they would vote for Paris Hilton if she ran for president. Yes, Paris made a funny joke. I laughed a lot. I'm also certain she read from a script someone wrote for her. I also wouldn't doubt she had no clue, in her coked-out brain, what the medium sized words she was saying meant. Let's all reflect on the fact this is the same person who said her friend's name was "something Greek... like Douglas." Also, Her entire script on an energy plan was McCain's. The only real difference is she delivered it in a bikini. What a useless piece of space. Kind of like the United Nations.

3. The Most Useless Waste of Money that Could Be Used to Feed Starving Children -
The iPhone. A pretty cool piece of technology. It's even been made more affordable. Apparently that has rubbed some people the wrong way. Now there's an application for iPhone that does absolutely nothing. Well, it does display a photographic red jewel on your screen. Still, that's all it does. What does this nifty little piece of bling on your sweet phone run? About a cool grand. That's one thousand Washingtons. Five thousand tasty chicken nuggets at Wendy's. Who has that money to throw on nothing? I don't know anyone who fits the bill, but that's because I'm a tax paying, middleclass, underpaid American. Maybe Paris Hilton has it. I'll ask her if I see her in the Oval Office.

4. Obama Pulling the Race Card -That's right. He did it. It's what has become acceptable in modern society. If an African American falls behind it's much too predictable that race enter as an excuse. If Osama... I mean Obama, is breaking out with the Ace this early in the presidential race it means one of two things. Either his campaign is flipping out and they've been holding this card for such an occasion, or his whole platform is run by idiots and they've had this planned the whole time. Either way, it's a dirt dirty move. Both presidential hopefuls agreed to not bring up race. of course they are politicians.
Oh and for those who say that Obama didn't lay down the "conspiracy against Afro-Americans" card, here's the straight quote. "Nobody thinks that Bush and McCain have a real answer to the challenges we face. So what they're going to try to do is make you scared of me. You know, he's not patriotic enough, he's got a funny name. You know, he doesn't look like all those other presidents on the dollar bills. You know, he’s risky."
Like, you know? Like, totally. Gag me with a spoon... you know.

5. One guy who should be allowed his death wish... just because he lives in Canada -
Here's the low down on one story I couldn't believe. A Chinese immigrant in Canada stabbed a man on a Grayhound bus in the middle of a trip. Okay, so that's not shocking, if you've ever ridden a bus. There's some weird people on those buses. The shocking stuff lies in the entire story. After the passengers evacuated and the police arrived, the real carnage happened. The man cut his victim's head off and started eatting pieces he sliced from his victim. This was in full view of the cops. At what point do the police need reason to charge the bus and bust this guy up? Now, the "alledged" (we have to use that term until people are tried... pffffpppttt) has told the judge he wants to die. Uhmmmm. He's lucky he's in Canada where everyone lives and authority is just a ruse. If more proof were needed for the approaching end of days, I must be waaaaayyyy out of the ballpark... or just a crazy Christian.

6. I know people from China that wouldn't breathe the air there -My final sign of this week involves te Olympic cyclists who had to appologise for wearing face masks when they arrived in China. Alright, let me look at recent pictures of open air places in Beijing. Hmmmmm.... Every picture has a certain smog look that screams either "a tire fire has been burning here since 1956," or "there's a raging inferno on it's way, and all the animals have fled to safer ground." Either way, all those guys needed to say is this. "We are sorry, but our health is more important to us than dying from black lung (which American coal miners rarely get anymore) for a stupid medal. Seriously, China better straighten up quickly. They are quickly becoming the needy yet bossy friend that no one wants to go to dinner with. All that happens is you listen to them complain about their ex-girlfriend and you end up paying the bill. The only reason people are going to watch the Olympics is to see if one of the followig happens.
1. America whoops some tail.
2. One of the billion protest groups has the grapes to really disrupt the events (but not in a violent way... although the news groups would love that).
3. Maybe a Chinese athelete will defect to America, a la 1970's and 80's style.
4. Someone collapses from the massive pollution.
5. An American is detained for some made up reason, perhaps spying.