Top Signs of the Week the World is Ending... or Why I'm Glad I'm Not in the Media Business.

This week has revealed a new list of proof that the end of the world is approaching like Oprah at a never-ending dessert buffet. Don't get it? You probably are oblivious to the following.

1. As the Favre Turns - Brett Favre More than a man. Possibly the greatest quarterback I've seen from beginning to end (I was in early gradeschool for the Montana years). Recovered from alcoholism and painkiller addiction without ever missing a game. Has several Super Bowls under his belt. Nearly lead his team to Great Poobah last year.

Meanwhile, Green Bay has somehow decided the unproven Aaron Rogers is a better bet. Do the Packers want to go to the bowl this year? I guess not, as their choice to jerk Brett around shows. Yeah, he retired. Yeah, he changed his mind. Plenty of atheletes do that. Now, we have the NFL version of your daytime emmy winning programs. "When Brett decides he's not really tired of his job and returns to the bay, he finds Ted Thompson making a deal with Aaron Rogers. He turns down 20 million to walk away. What does the future hold as "The Favre Turns"?

Personally, the goal of an NFL team is to compete now. Not 10, 5, or even one year down the road. Aaron Rogers is gone next year due to free agency. The rest of the team would back Favre no matter what. Brett is also well proven. Cearly Thompson has no idea how modern NFL works. Of course he's running a team that would sell out the stands in a blizzard when the team hasn't won all season. Also, he's a moron.

2. Paris for Prez - This is no joke. I actually heard someone say they would vote for Paris Hilton if she ran for president. Yes, Paris made a funny joke. I laughed a lot. I'm also certain she read from a script someone wrote for her. I also wouldn't doubt she had no clue, in her coked-out brain, what the medium sized words she was saying meant. Let's all reflect on the fact this is the same person who said her friend's name was "something Greek... like Douglas." Also, Her entire script on an energy plan was McCain's. The only real difference is she delivered it in a bikini. What a useless piece of space. Kind of like the United Nations.

3. The Most Useless Waste of Money that Could Be Used to Feed Starving Children -
The iPhone. A pretty cool piece of technology. It's even been made more affordable. Apparently that has rubbed some people the wrong way. Now there's an application for iPhone that does absolutely nothing. Well, it does display a photographic red jewel on your screen. Still, that's all it does. What does this nifty little piece of bling on your sweet phone run? About a cool grand. That's one thousand Washingtons. Five thousand tasty chicken nuggets at Wendy's. Who has that money to throw on nothing? I don't know anyone who fits the bill, but that's because I'm a tax paying, middleclass, underpaid American. Maybe Paris Hilton has it. I'll ask her if I see her in the Oval Office.

4. Obama Pulling the Race Card -That's right. He did it. It's what has become acceptable in modern society. If an African American falls behind it's much too predictable that race enter as an excuse. If Osama... I mean Obama, is breaking out with the Ace this early in the presidential race it means one of two things. Either his campaign is flipping out and they've been holding this card for such an occasion, or his whole platform is run by idiots and they've had this planned the whole time. Either way, it's a dirt dirty move. Both presidential hopefuls agreed to not bring up race. of course they are politicians.
Oh and for those who say that Obama didn't lay down the "conspiracy against Afro-Americans" card, here's the straight quote. "Nobody thinks that Bush and McCain have a real answer to the challenges we face. So what they're going to try to do is make you scared of me. You know, he's not patriotic enough, he's got a funny name. You know, he doesn't look like all those other presidents on the dollar bills. You know, he’s risky."
Like, you know? Like, totally. Gag me with a spoon... you know.

5. One guy who should be allowed his death wish... just because he lives in Canada -
Here's the low down on one story I couldn't believe. A Chinese immigrant in Canada stabbed a man on a Grayhound bus in the middle of a trip. Okay, so that's not shocking, if you've ever ridden a bus. There's some weird people on those buses. The shocking stuff lies in the entire story. After the passengers evacuated and the police arrived, the real carnage happened. The man cut his victim's head off and started eatting pieces he sliced from his victim. This was in full view of the cops. At what point do the police need reason to charge the bus and bust this guy up? Now, the "alledged" (we have to use that term until people are tried... pffffpppttt) has told the judge he wants to die. Uhmmmm. He's lucky he's in Canada where everyone lives and authority is just a ruse. If more proof were needed for the approaching end of days, I must be waaaaayyyy out of the ballpark... or just a crazy Christian.

6. I know people from China that wouldn't breathe the air there -My final sign of this week involves te Olympic cyclists who had to appologise for wearing face masks when they arrived in China. Alright, let me look at recent pictures of open air places in Beijing. Hmmmmm.... Every picture has a certain smog look that screams either "a tire fire has been burning here since 1956," or "there's a raging inferno on it's way, and all the animals have fled to safer ground." Either way, all those guys needed to say is this. "We are sorry, but our health is more important to us than dying from black lung (which American coal miners rarely get anymore) for a stupid medal. Seriously, China better straighten up quickly. They are quickly becoming the needy yet bossy friend that no one wants to go to dinner with. All that happens is you listen to them complain about their ex-girlfriend and you end up paying the bill. The only reason people are going to watch the Olympics is to see if one of the followig happens.
1. America whoops some tail.
2. One of the billion protest groups has the grapes to really disrupt the events (but not in a violent way... although the news groups would love that).
3. Maybe a Chinese athelete will defect to America, a la 1970's and 80's style.
4. Someone collapses from the massive pollution.
5. An American is detained for some made up reason, perhaps spying.